The Water Lilies (orig. ’Kesäkissa’)

It was the late Summer of ’96
I don’t remember much but
it was a bright Saturday

we were at the cottage, just the two of us, me and my uncle
who after breakfast went to the shed and returned with a hemp sack
asking where I had placed the blue plastic rope
I had made a belt out of it for my Robin Hood costume
in which I slept every night after that
until it fit no more.

Then my uncle asked me to fetch a bucket from the sauna
to fill it with rocks as big as I could find,
I marched to the beach in my rain boots
and picked, like I still do
only the prettiest of stones
and believe me, I’m highly critical.
Nowadays though
I never bring them home
but leave them be, in their home.

When I managed to carry the bucket back my uncle
was luring our month old kittens to the sack
never had we had a cat before that Summer
and never had we again
and that morning Bonnie was nowhere to be found.

At first I didn’t understand what my uncle was up to
he said “Put the stones at the bottom of the sack”
then he closed its mouth with the blue plastic rope
I was about to say “No” but kept my mouth shut
when I saw my uncle wiping his wet cheeks.

I followed my uncle to the rowboat
even tightened the plug
and numbly watched towards the open sea as my uncled rowed us behind Hevonperä
I remember it well because behind it lies the deepest spot of Kallavesi.

I hoped that the kittens would
be waiting at the stairs of the cottage that
somehow the kittens would
have sneaked out unnoticed
earning themselves a chance to live with their creativity 
but only the empty cottage waited for us.

I shouldn’t have asked my uncle
at the beginning of the Summer when Bonnie came to us
if we could keep it
but at the time I had
already fed it for three weeks in secret
my uncle couldn’t say no.
Something had bothered him from the start
and his concerns had grown at the same pace as Bonnie’s stomach
and soon it had been apparent she was pregnant.
I hadn’t seen it as a problem
my parents could have allowed me to take Bonnie with me for sure
while I didn’t think my uncle would have been willing to give it up
and surely we could have found a home for each kitten
but, and there is always a but
but this but was different from any other buts that has come my way —
not that I have been searching much after that.

Because Bonnie was no ordinary cat,
first time it came around it called me by my name
it didn’t seem odd at all
even after she said she had been looking for me for a while
it felt right, like it was natural.
That part about feeding it for three weeks before I introduced her to my uncle
wasn’t really true, I never had to feed it at all
it looked after herself, I just hung out with it.
My uncle couldn’t even think about refusing
after I told him more about Bonnie as
he had always talked with everything, from the big alder on the brink to the small basses.
But Bonnie never said a word when my uncle could hear
but once
and this I heard only when uncle asked me to accompany him for his last trip behind Hevonperä

The night before that sorrowful incident
me and the kittens were already asleep
my uncle was reading in the light of the fire place when Bonnie
had come to sit in front of him, staring deep into his eyes 
she had told she had to go before the sunrise
and asked my uncle to drown the kittens.

And even after all these years
I know, it doesn’t make sense and you may feel like shaking your head but
behind Hevonperä I
recognized the kittens’ features in the water lilies